Get jokes
You know what really grinds my gears? Robots and liars...for example that Stephen Hawking fella. He sure looks and sounds like a robot!! And a major liar too! If he wanted to show me how smart he really was he would have figured out how to get up out of that four wheeler and tell me how smart he is!!!!!
What's the best part about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.
The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."
The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."
The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
To get to the rear end.
Rape is not funny!! What if you were the girl/boy getting raped?
A man walks over to a little boy and asks, "Wanna see my tattoo of a bunny?"
The little boy replies with, "Yes please, I love bunnies!"
The man proceeds to pull his pants down and said, "Can you see it yet?"
The little boy curious says, "No, where is it?"
The man says, "Dig a little deeper, he runs into the hole when he gets scared!"
You are getting Cole for Christmas, you shit fuckers.
Dark humor is like food, some just don't get it.
If you take an emo kid grocery shopping.
You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
Q: Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
A: It did not want to get stuck in a crack.
Why do orphans not have cheese on their burgers? They don't have a dad to get milk.
What time is it when you cannot walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦽
Wood-fired pizza.
How would pizza get a job now?
Q: Why did the fly go to the hospital?
A: For the doctor to make it get "butter!"
What time is it when you get home and you can walk walk?
Today we had the best adventure ever! We started playing in the yard and doing ramps in a party van!
It all started when Timmy and I were playing in the yard and a white rusty van drove up to our yard. A nice man told us to get in. We said we would love to go, but our mommies wouldn't want us to go. The man said your mommies told me it was OK to come.
We hopped in the back and sped away super fast! The man gave us some candy, but Timmy and I were not hungry, so we didn't eat it. We saved it for later. After a while, I was wondering where we were going. I was about to ask the man, but then there was a whooping sound and some flashing blue lights! "Hey they want to party with us!" Timmy yelled over the whooping. "Party van!" I yelled.
Timmy and I started dancing and whooping and the van began driving faster, doing crazy race car stunts, and jumps! Then we noticed the lights and whooping were coming from some cars that were following us. The cars were black and white and said "P O L I C E” on the side.
We started to wave to them, but then the van did a HUGE jump and we flew out of the back of the van to the side of the road into some dirt, but it didn't really hurt that much. The van drove off without us, and I was really sad. Then Timmy told me the dirt was perfect for making mud pies. I was happy again. We played in the dirt awhile, until some people dressed like firefighters found us and brought us home. And then you asked me what happened. "Isn’t that right mommy?"
How did Michael Jackson get away with it?
He's a smooth criminal.
What do you get when King Kong steps on Batman and Robin?
Flatman and Ribbon.
If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.
Why did the two balls cross the road?
To get to the penis!
Sorry, too rude?