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Q: Why did the orphan cross the road?
A: To get to the other side to find his parents.
There was no other side of the road.
A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."
My wheelchair-bound friend was getting bullied, so I told him to stand up for himself.
How to get into politics?
Fail art school.
What time do terrorists arrive in New York City?
9:11 AM
Why can't an orphan get 5 stars in GTA? Because they are not wanted.
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?
The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!
What is the difference between women and cars?
At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.
How do you get a white girl to suck your dick?
Put ranch dressing on it.
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
Yo mama so fat, I have to take a train, 2 buses, and 3 airplanes to get on her good side.
Jokes are like Indians.
They never die, they just get reincarnated.
Me yelling every gay slur to get suspended.
I’m in catholic school.
What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?
They both get a lot of crack.
Why should you keep English gay activists away from neo-nazis?
British cigarettes get smoked easily.