Get jokes

Can we have a party in space?

First, we need to planet ;)

Get it? "Plan it" = planet.

Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.

Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"

"Are you sure?" asks the other.

"I'm positive!"

Why did the child cross the road?

To get to the other slide.

Yesterday, my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson, I said, "Just for that, you don't get any butter for a month."

Today in the kitchen, she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try!"

What's the a simulation between a penis and a Rubik's cube?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree?

You wave at him.

A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.

Why are smurfs blue?

Because they get bruises all the time.

When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.

There's an old lady doing gardening every year. Nothing grows. She goes to the man who lives next door. She says, "How do you get your tomatoes so big and red?" He tells her, "You show them your privates at night time." So she leaves. That night later, she goes outside and shows the garden her privates. The next day she's got zucchinis a meter long!

How did Harry Potter get down the hill? Walking... J.K. Rowling.

Why do mountains get so big?

They have no natural predators.

Where do you get milk from? The Milky Way, of course!

Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?

While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.

When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"

What makes suicide illegal?

Getting caught.

So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.

So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...

Why didn't Steven Hawkins get into fights?

'Cause he couldn't stand up for himself.

What do you get when a dog that is actually a Weeto is caught in an earthquake?

Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!