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Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the gay guy's house. Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.
Pedophile: You dropped your candy.
Girl: Thanks!
Pedophile stares as she slowly bends over to pick up her candy.
Pedophile: It looks a bit dirty, do you wanna come back to my house and get a new one?
Girl: How far is your house?
Pedophile: It's that white one right over there.
Girl: You mean that van next to a dumpster?
Pedophile: Yep, it's that one.
Girl:.... Sure! :P
Audience:.........Dumbass girl.
Why was the German in a hurry?
Because he was Rush-ian to get to work.
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
Where does Stephen Hawking get his computer fixed?
At PC World.
Where do you get 30% of your agua? From AGUAfers.
Don't let an extra chromosome get you down!
How did Stephen Hawking get up the stairway to heaven?
He didn’t, there was no lift...!
Q: What's the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
Dark humor is like a child with cancer...
Never gets old.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?
That it will never get old.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?
That I will never get old.
What was the chip doing at the hairdressers?
It was getting a crinkle cut.
So, two condoms walk by a gay bar. What does one condom say to the other? "Hey, wanna get 'shit-faced?'"
A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind
What do you get when you stuff some cows into a food container?
A can o' bull.
So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.
Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.
Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?
Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.
Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.
Dark humor is like food: Not everybody gets it.
How do you make Holy Water?
Get regular water and boil the devil out of it.
A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."