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*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."

Person 2: "Probably Bullets."

Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"

Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."

Person 1: "...."

Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."

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    • What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?

    You got off clean.

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    • There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."

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    • The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife, we were only talking about getting a divorce."

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    • Why didn't the squirrel want to go swimming? Because he didn't want to get his nuts wet!

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    To get to the bitch’s house.

    Knock, knock.

    Who's there?

    The chicken.

    What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?

    Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.

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