Get jokes
What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?
You got off clean.
I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger before my eyes.
Then it hit me.
There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."
Why did the sperm cross the road? To get to the vagina!
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife, we were only talking about getting a divorce."
Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence!
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger, then it hit me :3
Why did the mermaid want to go to the evil monster so it could get a real joke? Ha, ah, ah, ha!
What do you get when you cross a cat and a dinosaur? A cat-astrophe!
What did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side. 😂😂😂
Why didn't the squirrel want to go swimming? Because he didn't want to get his nuts wet!
How many times does 47 fit into 9?
Get in the van and find out.
I get knocked down, but I get up again, as long as I have 46 chromosomes.
Why did the disabled chicken cross the road?
To get its wheelchair!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the bitch’s house.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
What's the same about dark humor and kids with cancer?
They never get old.
What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?
Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.
What do you get when you cross a stick and a dog? A run away joke...
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds.
An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town's cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back table. The time was right to make a move. The ranger drew his revolver, charged into the cantina, and announced: "You are under arrest. I get a reward for you, dead or alive. Tell me where the money is, and I'll let you live. If you don't, I'll shoot you right here, and save myself the trouble of having to take you back to Texas alive."
But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. As it turned out, the scrawny man at the back of the bar happened to be a lawyer. He knew the robber, and was bilingual, and quickly offered to translate for the two of them. The ranger said: "Tell him that if he doesn't tell me where the loot is, I'll shoot him here and now." Upon hearing what the Ranger had said, and seeing the cold look in his eye, the bandit knew that the Ranger meant it - if he did not give up his loot, he was a dead man. Terrified, the bandit blurted out in Spanish that the loot was buried in an old barn at the outskirts of town. "What did he say?" asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered: "He said, 'You don't have the nerve to shoot me, Yankee swine.'"