New Get Jokes - Page 146 - Worst Jokes Ever

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

One of them gets picked.

What do you get when you cross a Cuban and corrupt dictator, Fidel Castro?

What’s the difference between Apple and orphans?

Apples actually get picked.

So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.

"Number 15: Burger King foot lettuce. The last thing you want in your Burger King burger is someone's foot fungus, but as it turns out, that might be what you get."

Why doesn't Barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box!

Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.

So, this woman woke up since she had a bad dream and was yelling about her bad dream. Then, in the bed, her husband woke up and said, "Hey! You just woke me up in a sweet dream!" She said, "Oh, sorry babe." Then she asked him what his dream was about, and he responded like, "I was with a woman; me and her was in the middle of dreamy sex; you just ruined it!" She said, "AAAAh!" He asked her what her dream was about, then she replied as, "I was trying to suck a man's penis, and a cock trying to get cummiee out of it!"

What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?

Getting them to come out of their shell.

39, 41, 43, AK, 47, AK-47. You get it? Lmao.

My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.

I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"

I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"

So, I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom had made cookies. I stole one, not noticing my mom was behind me.

So my mom said, "Put the cookie back, kid!" and I said I wasn't gonna eat it. Then she said, "Never mind, I'll get your father." So my mom said, "Honey, deal with your son; I'm going to the mall!" And my dad said, "Son, if you're not allowed to have a cookie before dinner!"

So he went into his room, and I heard the belt, and I was going to run, but I knew it would be worse. So he said, "This will be your punishment." As he was getting ready to hit me, I said, "Daddy, no, please, I wasn't gonna eat it!" But he said, "No, you won't change my mind, little boy!" Then he hit me. Thank you for reading! Stay healthy and stay safe in this time. Bye!!! Read more of my jokes; they'll probably be around the website!!

What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

A piece of ass that makes your eyes water.

One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!

My Mother: Wanna hear the song, "Chloe, your the one I want" on Pandora?

Me: No, I am tired of that song and I am annoyed by it.

Mom: Don't talk back to me like that, young lady.

Me: / someone else? - -gets silent in da room-

Brother: Yeah, this song is very annoying, but maybe better than the Chelsea song.

Joke is here now what do you do if you hear the name Chloe?

Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.

Yo Mama so fat that when she took a photo of herself to get it printed out, it took 15 years to finish!

Why did the chicken cross the road because he wanted to get run over and poop, and he died for 30 years until he was sent to Joe for getting run over, and he got killed by something, and then he died, and then he got it by you poop.