Get jokes
How do you lift a depressed person up?
No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.
Why did the rapper start gardening?
He wanted to get more ROOTS in his rhymes.
Why did the booty get a job?
To make ends meet!
Why don't booties get invited to parties?
They tend to CRACK people up!
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.
I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.
I decided to go home.
A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...
I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"
Why don’t rappers ever get cold?
Because they have so many fans!
Why don't butts get along?
Because they can't stand each other's cheek!
Why don't rappers ever get lost?
Because they always have BARS on their GPS.
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!
So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.
So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"
Would you steal 20 dollars from a stupid 6 year old kid with Down syndrome who can't talk and make ah ah ah noises, or get one dollar for saying the N word?
A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll fuck you for $10." The boy says, “I would, but I don't have any money.” She says, “Ok, I'll take the duck instead.” He says ok, so they go upstairs and fuck.
The prostitute says, “That’s the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back and we can do it again.” So they do and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, well, I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and $25 for a fucked up fuck.
Why don’t rappers ever get lost?
They always have a NAVIGATOR dropping the beat.
My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
Jay-Z and B.
Why did the rapper go to school?
To get DE-GREEZ.
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."