Get jokes

Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?

This is how big cats were named.

"I HATE BIG CATS. THAT ONE IS A LIAR, THAT ONE IS A CHEATER. THE ONE IS A POO-MA."

"Lion. Cheetah. Puma. You're getting a promotion."

In light of Trump's slurring, staggering, and incoherence, I wondered if he should get checked for a brain tumor.

Then I realized how ridiculous that sounded.

A tumor can't grow in something that doesn't exist in the first place.

If Donald Trump gets any worse, they'll have to replace Air Force One with a short bus.

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?

A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.

Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?

A. A Notsee.

When Canadians get hurt, they don't go "ouch," they go "ooch!"

Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?

Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?

I had sex with my boss's daughter.

I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.

Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?

He kept throwing with the bent one.

Would you rather get a massage from a man or get major surgery from a woman?

Let's try to get to either max likes or dislikes, your choice.

And duck jokes, who would win in a fight, a baby or a pacifist, presented by duck?

I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.

I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.

"I will kill you with knife and gun, get ready, Explain Bear, stupid f***."

Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?

Because he was blowing up at work. 💀😈

You know what's crazy? Is that the low taper fade, like, meme, is still MASSIVE. Still MASSIVE. Like, I'm still seeing like, new ones, that I've never seen before, and they're getting millions of likes and millions of views.

If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.

Humor is like food, not everybody gets it.

What did the skeleton get when he saw goth girls?......A boner.