How do you make a dishwasher work again? Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?
The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!
Why did the person get fired from the calendar factory?
Because they took a day off.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
House parties are like Churches, there's always a underage kid getting fucked somewhere
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise who gets their first Obviously the lesbian couple they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.
Why does 9/11 only get a day, but Pride gets an entire month?
Because pride is a bigger tragedy.
"Rajesh get on bus, so many people, squeeze here squeeze there. He daydream about naughty stuff, like coffee spill but not coffee. Bus move, stop, he press close to pretty lady, she smell nice. Rajesh think how funny if something else spill, make whole bus ride wild." He laugh to self, bus ride never boring now!
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
I don't get why bakers aren't wealthier. They make so much dough.
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.
I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men Say can you get straight to the point
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama? A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
What's the difference between a white woman and a tornado siren?
The tornado siren doesn't get raped.
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Get over here so I can fuck you.
