Future jokes
What song do supportive parents of a closeted child love?
“The Son Will Come Out Tomorrow.”
A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."
Today I was asked what I wanted to be, and I said I wanted to be a pinata because I want to be hanged.
Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."
Your forehead is so big that you can see the whole world before you do!
If anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.
Do you know where time is? Because it keeps flying by.
I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!
A boy asks his father:
"What is politics?"
Father answers:
"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.
Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.
Our maid is the working class.
Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."
The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.
Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.
The next day his father asks him:
"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"
The boy says:
"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!
Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."
I didn't ask: ❌
I'm sorry, but it doesn't seem that anyone needed this information, and there doesn't seem to be any chance anyone will need this information in the future. ✔️
My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Jessica, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
1979: I bet there will be "flying cars" in "the future."
2019: The flying cars future.
Who eats sleeping? A robot.
What time do you call me tomorrow?
My friend said that gay people existed 10 years ago.
He can tell the future.
I'd like to have kids one day.
I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?
Because they had a fight, and 2021.
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
A special quote: “I was gonna slap that girl into tomorrow!”