Furniture jokes
I can't decide if I like rocking chairs or not.
I keep going back and forth on them.
Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.
So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”
So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
A blind man walks into a bar.
And a chair.
And a table.
What's an orphan's favorite store?
Ashley Home Store.
What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?
The second nightstand.
I’m sorry, Chairy, but I don’t need four more legs.
Let's take a look at the Swedish bench for today's game. $12.99 from Ikea.
The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.
Yo mama is so fat, she gave a memory foam mattress Alzheimer's.
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, and you listen closely, you can hear the chair screaming.
How do you fit three flags on a bar stool?
Flip it over!
What do you call a funny family of chairs? A sitcom!
Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?
Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.
Student: Ok!!
Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?
Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.
Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.
Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.
Yo mama so fat she needs to sit on 2 chairs.
A blind man walked into a bar, and a table, and a chair.
I like my couches like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.
How do you fit 3 gay men on a bar stool?
Flip it upside down.
How many gay guys can you fit on a bar stool? Four, just flip it over.
What time is it when you walk into a wall? Time to get to bed!
What did Helen Keller's mother do to her when she was mad at her?
She left the plunger in the toilet, she put doorknobs on all the walls, and she rearranged the furniture.