Furniture jokes

What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.

What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?

A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.

If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.

What does a dog do in a dresser?

It pants!

Why did Gemma fall off her bike?

She got hit by a fridge.

How do blind kids get punished?

By moving the furniture around the house.

One thing led to another, now I have a new patio.

I can't decide if I like rocking chairs or not.

I keep going back and forth on them.

Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because she was crummy.

What did the toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.

What has 1 head, 1 foot, and 4 legs? A bed.

What do you call a legless table? Nothing.

Your mom is so stupid, she got lost in Bed Bath & Beyond and slept on the floor.

How do you punish a blind kid?

Rearrange the furniture.

What’s a cow’s favorite piece of furniture?

The cowch (couch).

One day, I sit in the lounge on a chair.

Some moving men had just begun their day's work.

The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.

The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."

A man is sitting in a chair. He is talking to the other friend about what they must cherish.

One says he cherishes his family, the other cherishes his parents, and a man comes in, points at the chair and says, “I CHAIRish my Chair” as he pulls up a chair.

What's an edible part of a wheelchair?

A vegetable!

A blind man walks into a bar.

And a chair.

And a table.

Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.

So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”

So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.

A blind man walked into a bar, and a table, and a chair.