What does a dog do in a dresser?
It pants!
Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.
So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”
So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
Why did Gemma fall off her bike?
She got hit by a fridge.
What do you call a legless table? Nothing.
I can't decide if I like rocking chairs or not.
I keep going back and forth on them.
How do blind kids get punished?
By moving the furniture around the house.
One thing led to another, now I have a new patio.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because she was crummy.
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.
What has 1 head, 1 foot, and 4 legs? A bed.
Your mom is so stupid, she got lost in Bed Bath & Beyond and slept on the floor.
How do you punish a blind kid?
Rearrange the furniture.
What’s a cow’s favorite piece of furniture?
The cowch (couch).
Some moving men had just begun their day's work.
The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.
The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."
One day, I sit in the lounge on a chair.
A man is sitting in a chair. He is talking to the other friend about what they must cherish.
One says he cherishes his family, the other cherishes his parents, and a man comes in, points at the chair and says, “I CHAIRish my Chair” as he pulls up a chair.
A blind man walks into a bar.
And a chair.
And a table.
What's an edible part of a wheelchair?
A vegetable!
A blind man walked into a bar, and a table, and a chair.
What is blue and sits in a corner? A baby in a baggy.
How do you punish Stevie Wonder for bad behavior?
You move all of the furniture around.
Why do tables never need wheelchairs?
Because even without the ‘t’ they are still able.
