Furniture jokes
What is blue and sits in a corner? A baby in a baggy.
How do you punish Stevie Wonder for bad behavior?
You move all of the furniture around.
I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."
Glad to present you a wood clock.
https://olegon.ru/clock/
Last night I remember partying with friends to find blood on my nightstand.
Moments after, I scolded my friends to put my alarm clock back where they found it.
Memes
Once I ate a table... it was food consuming.
Why do tables never need wheelchairs?
Because even without the ‘t’ they are still able.
Why did the man fall off his bike?
Because someone threw a refrigerator at him.
Why do midgets need a lot of books at school?
So they can reach the top of the desk.
What is white and fluffy? A peelo.
How do you fit 3 gay men on a bar stool?
Flip it upside down.
Your mum is so fat, when she slept on the bed, the bed cracked and they had to replace it by a dinosaur.
Your mama's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.
What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
Grocery stores are like IKEA: you have to assemble the food yourself.
Why does everyone like couch jokes?
Because they are sofa-nny (so funny)!
I sat on a chair.
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, you can hear the chair screaming.
Yo mama is so fat, she gave a memory foam mattress Alzheimer's.
Yo mama is so fat that her wheelchair had to be made into a couch!