I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."
Glad to present you a wood clock.
https://olegon.ru/clock/
Once I ate a table... it was food consuming.
Last night I remember partying with friends to find blood on my nightstand.
Moments after, I scolded my friends to put my alarm clock back where they found it.
Why did the man fall off his bike?
Because someone threw a refrigerator at him.
Why do midgets need a lot of books at school?
So they can reach the top of the desk.
How do you fit 3 gay men on a bar stool?
Flip it upside down.
Your mama's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.
What is white and fluffy? A peelo.
Your mum is so fat, when she slept on the bed, the bed cracked and they had to replace it by a dinosaur.
What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
Grocery stores are like IKEA: you have to assemble the food yourself.
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, you can hear the chair screaming.
Why does everyone like couch jokes?
Because they are sofa-nny (so funny)!
I sat on a chair.
I couldn't find my cat, and then my pillow started meowing.
Yo momma so fat, I asked her to save me a seat, so she sat down and she saved 10, and one by one the legs started popping off.
What did Helen Keller's mother do to her when she was mad at her?
She left the plunger in the toilet, she put doorknobs on all the walls, and she rearranged the furniture.
A book just fell on my head. I’ve got only my shelf to blame!
If you get a new bed, you have more bedroom, but less bedroom.
