what does a necrophiliac get at a wedding? mourning wood
What kind of coffee do they serve at funerals?
Burial grounds.
When you say to your friend I've got your back then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.
Why was there a box in a church because their was a funeral
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.
However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, “No.”
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
He’s not dead just his storage unit
*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victims Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..." Me: "Honestly...Probably his ass."
Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree and so she could live forever.
But it I'm not gonna lie it was a nice toasty fire...
At every funeral it's a try-not-to-say-big-mood-challenge for me
Why Didnt The Skeleton Go To Prom?
He Was Dead. You Fool. You Fell For My Trick. Im Very Heartless-
Oh Wait
YOU FOOL-
How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemmetary has.
Where did Sally go after the gunshot ? 6 feet under
*that is how deep they put the coffin...*
What's white as snow within 15-25 mins after death and then black and blue and red all over? a corpse of course!
Theres something special about cemeteries People are dying to get inside
I saw a petition on replacing gravestones with trees so it will be a beautiful forest Son: wheres grandma?
I could never forget my grandfathers last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"
Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave.
Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work.
Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.
3 construction workers where sitting on the bridge that they where building having their lunch break. The first guy says “If I get a vegimite sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge.” The second guys says “If get a peanut butter sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge”. The third guy says if I get another strawberry jam sandwich then I am going to jump off this bridge.” The next day the first guy gets a vegimite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All 3 guys jump of the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals the first wife says “If he just told me I would have given him a different sandwich.” The second guys wife says “It is all my fault. If only I knew.” The third wife says “I don’t get it, he makes his own lunch.”
My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death so we smoked his ashes.
So I went to my friends funeral today, As we were all leaving a kid put a get well soon card next to my friends grave ‘poor kid’
