Why cant orphans have a funeral? Because their parents wont be there
They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said “Of corpse”!
Setting: Funeral Home
Customer: Yes I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation but I feel that's silly to ask.
Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over hear at a discounted 75 percent off. Customer: Okay? What's the catch. That's almost 300 dollars off?
Funeral Director: I assure you these are top of the line urns and will keep your loved ones remains secure and dry. Customer: Okay?
Funeral Director: Yep these have only been used once so it's is absolutely worth the purchase.
By: MiniMemorials.com
After I am dead during my funeral service I want some one to play my favorite song by Boy George and Culture Club " Church of the Poison Mind"
Knock Knock “who’s there” not your dad
Teacher: We have new student today class, come introduce yourself. Student: my name is Buttitches Teacher: Please tell us your real name. Student: Buttitches. Teacher: I’m calling the police. Police: son please tell me your real name or I’m going to shot you. Student: Buttitches. Police: shots gun... A few days the police goes to the funeral and sits behind the mom. While crying the mom says my buttitces the police says we’ll scratch it lady
what does a necrophiliac get at a wedding? mourning wood
What kind of coffee do they serve at funerals?
Burial grounds.
When you say to your friend I've got your back then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.
Why was there a box in a church because their was a funeral
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.
However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, “No.”
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
He’s not dead just his storage unit
*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victims Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..." Me: "Honestly...Probably his ass."
Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree and so she could live forever.
But it I'm not gonna lie it was a nice toasty fire...
Monkey Man's mortuary, you stab 'em, we slab 'em.
At every funeral it's a try-not-to-say-big-mood-challenge for me
Why Didnt The Skeleton Go To Prom?
He Was Dead. You Fool. You Fell For My Trick. Im Very Heartless-
Oh Wait
YOU FOOL-
How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemmetary has.
Where did Sally go after the gunshot ? 6 feet under
*that is how deep they put the coffin...*
What's white as snow within 15-25 mins after death and then black and blue and red all over? a corpse of course!
