Fuck you jokes

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A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll fuck you for $10." The boy says, “I would, but I don't have any money.” She says, “Ok, I'll take the duck instead.” He says ok, so they go upstairs and fuck.

The prostitute says, “That’s the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back and we can do it again.” So they do and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, well, I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and $25 for a fucked up fuck.

There's nothing stronger than love, except for an M32 Rotary Grenade Launcher because fuck you and everyone near you.

Shit, if somebody invades America, the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go.

We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets has become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out?

Hell, the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit, Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have Comedy Central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the United States. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.

I was playing a tennis match against a girl and said, "I will fuck you up." She said, "Try me." So that's exactly what I did, and I won by forfeit as she ended up running away crying.

  • 6

    • Bick: Jesus isn't real.

    Ron: Yes, He is.

    Bick: Prove it, bitch.

    Ron: Cussing is a sin. Open the curtains.

    Bick: Wh-?

    Ron: JUST DO IT, DAMMIT!

    The sunlight shone through the window, landing on Ron and Bick. Both of them died and went to hell.

    Ron: Fuck you, Jesus.

    Bick: Told you Jesus was real.

    Satan: Get to work, slaves.

    Moral of the story: Stay off the marijuana.

    20 years later

    Johnny: Hey dad.

    Dad: Yea?

    Johnny: Fuck you, I ain't comin' back to your grave in 16 years, then ima come back, BITCH!

    Dad: Doing the same thing I did to you and your mother, ay? I deserve it :( ;O not real...NOT A FUCKING ALL.

    Johnny: Yea you kinda fucking do.

    Dad:...

    I only have 4 moods:

    • fuck this • fuck that • fuck me • fuck you

    I empathize with the above, but I have an additional 4 moods to add:

    • fuck yeah • fuck no • fuck my life • fuck everything

    and don't forget the inevitable

    • fuck it

    and for those who have just given up

    • fuck

    This is beautiful.