Fruit jokes

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples actually get picked.

I caught my sister licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that for?" She replied, "I'm doing it for practice for your friends."

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Why did the banana like the movie?

Because it was apeeling.

If an orange is orange, does that mean it's orange?

Q: What's the difference between Terri Schiavo and a tomato?

A: A tomato isn't a vegetable.

Orange: Hey Apple, Apple, hey Apple.

Apple: What?

Orange: Orange you glad I didn't say "Apple" again? Hahaha!

I like mangoes.

What is it called when a gay guy punches someone?

Fruit punch.

What is a vampire's favorite animal? A giraffe.

What is a vampire's favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.

Those two jokes are not funny at all!

I will tell you a story. There was a fruit named Pear who was named Dyck. He one day met his friend Carrot, who was later killed after being stuck into some girl's vagina.

Pear then became very sadistic and no one loved him, and he became mentally fruit-pressed. One day he met a Banana named Harvey Weinstein, and they got married and had children who were all named Minion. Eventually, the rest of his family died, and Pear was left slowly rotting away. His last words were, "I have finally 'peared' the consequences of all my actions."

Your sister is so stupid, she only thinks an onion will make people cry.

So I threw a coconut at her.

What is the healthiest fruit?

An orange 🍊—It takes Vitamin See!

I go in the duck park, I make it myself there cozy with Rayman and fruit dwarves.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

You can't jelly your way into someone's pants.

If you were a fruit, you would be a fineapple.

If you were a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital.

All these oranges, but you're still the one for me.

What do you call a gay man with a thicc ass?

Fruit cake.

Why is Newton not allowed to visit local farms?

The owners know that forces come in pears.