Friendship jokes
I: "Get a boomerang."
Type: "Why?"
Me: "Because for frisbee, you need friends."
Literally every movie:
"I love you." "I love you, too."
My life:
My 'friends': "Hey, Hailey likes you!" Him: "Wtf, I have a girlfriend, sorry not sorry." His friends: Spreads the word throughout the whole goddamn country. 😶
My friend told me to "hang on" when I told him I wanted to kill myself.
Buddy, I’ll be hanging for sure, just you wait.
Why does a kid in a wheelchair get bullied? Because he can’t stand up for himself.
What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?
You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
You're so ugly that even Hello Kitty said goodbye.
Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"
Friend: "I don't know."
Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.
Why is an orphan and a dog friends?
What do you call a kid named Caitlyn?
My best friend.
Q: What did the cannibal shout when his friend fell on the floor?
A: "FIVE SECOND RULE!"
When me and my friend went to the market, my friend tried to scan my arm, and I asked her what she was doing. She answered, "Oh, I had to buy you so I don't steal you."
Why can't an orphan be friends with Dom Toretto?
Dom doesn't have friends; he has "family."
Run, bestie, run!
Why does a straight guy act gay? Because he wants to feel wanted and wants to be BFFs with the hottest girls.
Bro, I love hanging out with white people, it's either we play Yahtzee, or we playin' Nazi.
One day my sister was making hotdogs. My sister asked me if I wanted some. I said no. Then my sister asked my friend, and he always said no.
Then my sister said I have to eat it plain with no flavor. We have no ketchup, mustard, or onions. My friend said I got something to give it flavor. My sister said, "Okay."
My sister left the kitchen to get something. I asked my friend what are you going to do. Then he took the hotdog bread, opened it, and ran his penis all around it, and put some white cream that came out of his penis. I put the hotdogs on the bread. Then my sister came back and put hotdogs on the hotdog bread. I told my sister the hotdogs are ready. She ate them. I asked how were the hotdogs. My sister said, "I don’t know what flavor is this, but it is very tasty."
What do you call a group of emo friends?
THE SUICIDE SQUAD!
I went home and I saw my friend kissing my sister. I said, "What’s going on?" They both told me that they’re going out with each other. I said, "Alright."
The next morning, I see my friend kissing my mom. I said, "What’s going here?" They both told me they’re going out with each other. Then my friend said to me, "I gave you 3 gifts. 1 gift, I’m your best friend. 2 gift, I’m your new brother-in-law. 3 gift, I’m your new stepfather." I felt so happy I had a friend that [is] looking out for me.
What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?
Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.
Don't make fun of the emo kid, or he's gonna bring his friends and you gotta fight the Suicide Squad.