Friends jokes

I'm bored. If you want to friend me in Roblox, my username is Talitha95g and my nickname is talithafromamirica.

Neona (😞): Are you mad at me?

Gwen (😌): Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen, let's just hug it out!

Neona (😁): Agreed!

What's the difference between me and my mate...

I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.

Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.

Man's friend: Same.

Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.

Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.

Man: Oh great heavens!

Orphan: Wanna have a sleepover?

Friend: But you're an orphan.

Orphan: Just wanted a place to sleep tonight!

What do you call a 5th grader with no friends?

Sandy Hook survivor.

So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.

Beans for centuries have been called "false friends," because they have a tendency to talk behind one's back. If you get my drift. 🤣

A friend asked what an acorn is.

I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”

What do you call a group of teenage emos?

Suicide squad.

So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.

To anyone who wants to be my friend:

Hello.

Does anyone wanna be my friend? Please if ya' do reply to my: "Hello." In the chat. Tysm. Have a greaat day!

Alex <3

Not a joke: one of George Floyd's criminal friends shot his grand-niece as they wanted a piece of the 27 million dollars.

Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.

My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.

A friend of mine chews gum, lays back to yawn, then chokes on the gum. Then I said, "God, what, you choking on dick?"

My cousin’s friend spelled “racist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”

Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.

Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.

Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!

My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."

My friend's 4-year-old daughter made up this joke.

What kind of poo should you put in your hair?

Shampoo.