I was crying at school telling my friends my grandpa died, And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were "Are you still holding the ladder?"
I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me "Yeah I can read braille". So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read "Screw you, asshole"
my new girl friend is a porn star she would probably kill me if she found out
My friend gave me sugar for my birthday, she thought it was cheap I thought it was pretty sweet
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap. -- He was high on my list of priorities.
Man looks at his friend and says "if you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt would you tell anyone? " The friend says im a disgusted tone "No" So the man says "ok let's go camping"
My black friend told me to stop making racist jokes... ...I told him to lighten up.
My blind friend is so annoying, he kept bumping into things even though I repletedly told him to look where he was going
I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie ....... no one could tell that it was their blood
10 Fun Facts 1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breath through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 6. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 7. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 8. You skipped number 5. 9. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 10. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
I hate double standards – burn a body at a crematorium and you’re being, a respectful friend.
But do it at home and you’re, destroying evidence.
My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if yhu jump and yell parkour, it’ll just be a failed stunt
What do you call a necrophilic gangbang Cracking open a cold one with the boys
A friend of mine loves to play Roulette, so I decided to introduce him to Russian Roulette. It blew his mind.
My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...
"Lazy."
What do you call a happy child swinging with her friends at recess?
Not Sally.
Husband: I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time Wife: You have the biggest penis out of all your friends
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once but he couldnt tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his ar
Most states:
"It's ok, it won't be awkward. We're still friends."
Alabama:
"She didn't wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she'll still be my sister."
