Friends Jokes

My friends used to poke me at weddings and say "You're next". So I started poking them at funerals and saying "You're next" to my friends.

Why does the ice cream 🍨 have so many friends?

Because he’s cool.

I was crying at school telling my friends my grandpa died, And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were "Are you still holding the ladder?"

I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."

I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me "Yeah I can read braille". So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read "Screw you, asshole"

My friend gave me sugar for my birthday, she thought it was cheap I thought it was pretty sweet

my new girl friend is a porn star she would probably kill me if she found out

Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap. -- He was high on my list of priorities.

My friend was a victim of a school shooting once but he couldnt tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his ar

10 Fun Facts 1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breath through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 6. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 7. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 8. You skipped number 5. 9. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 10. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)

I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie ....... no one could tell that it was their blood

Man looks at his friend and says "if you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt would you tell anyone? " The friend says im a disgusted tone "No" So the man says "ok let's go camping"

Friend: "You are so ugly." Me: "You can't be talking, you give Freddy Krueger nightmares."

Friend:Im gonna go ask out my crush Me: fake sneezes* Sry im alergic to bullshit

I hate double standards – burn a body at a crematorium and you’re being, a respectful friend.

But do it at home and you’re, destroying evidence.

My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if yhu jump and yell parkour, it’ll just be a failed stunt