Friends Jokes

When the chair was invented, the inventor's friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: 'You might want to sit down for this.'

2 friends are talking and the one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The Friend says, "I was in my car."

I know five fat people and you're three of them

What do you call when a friend calm his suicidal friend? Hang in there buddy

My friend called me a dick earlier. I said you are what you eat. He then proceeded to run away from me.

My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette. Blew his mind.

A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover so one of her friends asks when was the last time you had an orgasm? she replies 3 days ago dad comes bursting in i KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT

So I had a friend who was an orphan and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.

A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.

Just all us depressed people joking about our depressed lives, we should hang out sometime

Friends are like penguins.

If you stab a penguin, they die.

Me: hey do you want to see my grandma. Friend: yeah sure Me: *pulls out gun*

my suicidal friend said he liked trains, so we took him to the tracks

'i told my black friend a joke'' told him he needs to lighten up!!!

When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”

He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”

I got my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He came back a week later and said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.

friend: “ whats that on your arm” me: “ oh nothing just decided i wanted to cosplay a tiger “

Your hairline shape is so badly shaped like a M, me and my friends thought it was McDonalds.

Me at the Oscars when i see Jada Pinkett Smith, me, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I Jada 2, can't wait to see it"

So will smith is laughing and then suddenly, Suddenly Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face

Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigcka Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers"