Friends jokes
Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.
We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.
Me: Do you like cobble?
My friend: No.
Me: Gobble deez nuts!
Me: *writes Kahoot about me then finishes.*
Me and friend: *plays Kahoot.*
A question: When is (my name) happy?
Friend: *puts a good answer and gets wrong.*
Answer: Never, only a portion.
Friend: Do you need help?
My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.
Friend: Hey, let me give you a little riddle. There's a table [for] four people who are supposed to sit [at]. There is you, me, Will, Mary. In which order will they sit?
Other friend: Uhm, you, me, Mary, and Will?
Friend 1: Nope, guess again!
Other friend: Okay, what about "Will you marry me?" Oh, wait...
Friend 1: Of course!!!! :D
What shoe shop would be a lesbian's best friend, decimen?
Why can't fat kids play poker?
They eat all the chips.
I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.
My mates threw nuts at the wall, now we call them walnuts.
Hahaha :)
It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.
He was a great vet.
Hey Gwen... I had a friend named Gwen in preschool.
The preschool was Cascade Christian and in Washington (which is close to Oregon. I read in a chat that you live there.) This is a long shot, but I think you might be the same Gwen. If not, ok.
All my friends live in a forest. It's called Aokigahara.
I called my guy friend a cock-sucker the other day. He replied with, "Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks."
Qualification Check:
Single
Taken
Friended ✔
I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed to my friend who had an overdose of LSD.
I see a dreamer.
Why can't orphans have friends?
They will stay together.
Friend 1: How come when you say "apart" your lips move apart, but when you say "together" they move apart?
Me: Maybe your lips want a divorce.
I love you. You too. I love you. You have a good night. Love. Love. I love you. You and your mom, love. Love. You have the best friends. Love. You have fun. Love. Is it good? You you have to walk home from school and walk walk home from school. I have fun at home.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Friend: Why?
Me: Because they don't have a mother or father's day.
My friend Nickiya wanted to know what animal she'd be. I said that she would be a "Ni-cat-a."