Friends jokes
Why are a gun and a bag of chips alike?
You pull them out at school and everyone wants to be your friend.
Me holding a new cat: Say hi to my little friend!
My friends: Hi to my little friend!
- What did the skeleton say to his friend?
- Actually... TIBIA honest, I don't know how to complete this joke...
My friend looks like a homeless, thanks for the jokes.
My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
What makes a cult and a racist family of 5 common?
Not all are friends.
Orphan: *crying* You: Do you know where your parents are? Orphan: No. Your Friend: They don't have parents!!! You: 😂 I know.
Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?
Friends: What?
Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.
Me: Why am I an orphan?
Friend: I don't know.
Me: Ask your mom.
I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.
Why is Beast Boy so good at flying?
Terra hasn't forgiven him.
What do you call a five year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.
Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.
Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*
Friend: Are you okay?
Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!
I have a friend that sells backpacks for a living. You can draw on them using markers of different color variants.
He one day said his business was "remarkable."
I told my friend to watch Naruto. It's been a week since I've seen him. Hope he comes back in one piece.
Why does the large dildo not have any friends?
He's a pain in the ass.
Me: I just came home from Africa, and guess what I saw.
Friend: I don't know.
Me: A black market.
Me: What do you call 4 depressed kids?
My friend: What?
Me: The Suicide Squad.
I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."