Orphan: *crying* You: Do you know where your parents are? Orphan: No. Your Friend: They don't have parents!!! You: 😂 I know.
Friends Jokes
I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.
Why are a gun and a bag of chips alike?
You pull them out at school and everyone wants to be your friend.
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
Me holding a new cat: Say hi to my little friend!
My friends: Hi to my little friend!
- What did the skeleton say to his friend?
- Actually... TIBIA honest, I don't know how to complete this joke...
What do you call a five year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.
Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”
My black friend turned off the lights and suddenly disappeared.
Me: I just came home from Africa, and guess what I saw.
Friend: I don't know.
Me: A black market.
Yo mama is so skinny, she makes friends with a snake.
Me: What do you call 4 depressed kids?
My friend: What?
Me: The Suicide Squad.
I have a friend that sells backpacks for a living. You can draw on them using markers of different color variants.
He one day said his business was "remarkable."
I told my friend to watch Naruto. It's been a week since I've seen him. Hope he comes back in one piece.
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.
Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*
Friend: Are you okay?
Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!
Why does the large dildo not have any friends?
He's a pain in the ass.
As a fellow emo, I find these very rude and disrespectful. Please take off, or I'll tell Mom.
Also, if anyone knows any high bridges nearby, please tell me (I'm asking for a friend).
P.S. I have no friends.
Just watched my friend take a steak out of her pocket. That steak was so outta pocket.
I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."
A friend texts to another:
"Hey." They reply, "What's up?"
The first friend then replies with a simple answer, "The sky!" But the other friend intervenes and says, "No, it's the ceiling!"
To then the first friend finishes the greeting with, "Unless you're homeless or six feet under."
