Friends jokes
Tell me morbid jokes in comments so I have some jokes for my friend.
Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!
So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"
The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"
Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!
So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"
So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"
My friend: How are you running so fast? You just had 10 hamburgers!
Me: It’s the 10 hamburgers that are making me run fast!
What happens when a Tandemaus evolves?
Friend: What's that white stuff coming out of the Pokémon Box?
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he wanted to get to the other side and see his friend...
I was talking to my friends and they said a random topic about cats, and I'm like, "Water you talking about?" =3
Q: Why did the chip run away?
A: His saucy friend tried to jizz on him.
If your best friend tells you that he's gay for you, what do you do? Tell him, "Oh, nice gay ass."
One day me and my friend Howard the duck went into the bar. I ordered a drink. Howard told the waiter to put it on his... BILL.
My friend had a house FULL of okra, but it blew up and okra was everywhere.
I guess you can call that place Okra-homa!
My friend told me that he saw a yacht went close in to the yeti's eye, so I said to my friend, "Did the yeti kiss?" But my friend said, "No, the yeti have to play games every single day, or the yeti will die."
A friend warned me that if I voted for Goldwater in 1964, we'd end up bombing North Viet Nam.
Well, I voted for him anyway, and sure enough, we ended up bombing North Viet Nam.
Me and 1/2 of my friends.
The Egyptian god of sun's name is Ka.
My friend: Where does the sun god go to get a shoe?
Me: In a Ka-boot sale :D
Friend: What would happen when someone stole the shoe?
Me: Call The Police Ka!!!
Guys, I am Aly's friend, Ava. Come over here.
During the election campaign of 2012, we heard about Obama, but we thought they said Osama. So I told my friend, "Grab his gun and let's have some fun." So during one of Obama's campaigns, we both shot him to death, which lasted a while.
Then my friend said, "Let's go get piss drunk at Mavericks bar." Then on TV they talked about Obama's death, and everybody but 2 guys cheered. Then guess what, we loaded our guns and lit those 2 guys up like we did to Obama.
In Africa, a koala and a kangaroo were very thirsty. The kangaroo said that when they have no water, they dig a hole and water comes out of it. Then the kangaroo dug, and in one minute the koala asked if there was any water. The kangaroo said no, and the koala had to wait for many minutes. Soon water came out of the hole, and then the koala jumped into the hole and drank water. The kangaroo wanted water too, so he tried to pull out the koala, but instead, his tail got chopped off, and then they never became friends again.
When my friend says I suck at something, I'm like, "U swallow."
I once had a trash can as a girlfriend.
I was ready to break up with her, but all she had to say was, "Please don't dump me!" Then I said, "Sorry, I'm ready to take out the trash."
Dr. Dre caught his friend Snoop Dogg looking in other people's drawers. Dre then said, "Don't Snoop around."