Friends Jokes

My friend Joe was a great hunter. He always shot like 3 deer every week.

He was even better at school when he bagged 30 of them.

Me and 1/2 of my friends.

The Egyptian god of sun's name is Ka.

My friend: Where does the sun god go to get a shoe?

Me: In a Ka-boot sale :D

Friend: What would happen when someone stole the shoe?

Me: Call The Police Ka!!!

Guys, I am Aly's friend, Ava. Come over here.

My friend told me that he saw a yacht went close in to the yeti's eye, so I said to my friend, "Did the yeti kiss?" But my friend said, "No, the yeti have to play games every single day, or the yeti will die."

someting you should not send your blind friends

The image shows the question 'What are you looking at?' written on a rough gray surface.

A friend warned me that if I voted for Goldwater in 1964, we'd end up bombing North Viet Nam.

Well, I voted for him anyway, and sure enough, we ended up bombing North Viet Nam.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he wanted to get to the other side and see his friend...

What happens when a Tandemaus evolves?

Friend: What's that white stuff coming out of the Pokémon Box?

My friend: How are you running so fast? You just had 10 hamburgers!

Me: It’s the 10 hamburgers that are making me run fast!

I was talking to my friends and they said a random topic about cats, and I'm like, "Water you talking about?" =3

If your best friend tells you that he's gay for you, what do you do? Tell him, "Oh, nice gay ass."

One day me and my friend Howard the duck went into the bar. I ordered a drink. Howard told the waiter to put it on his... BILL.

Q: Why did the chip run away?

A: His saucy friend tried to jizz on him.

My friend had a house FULL of okra, but it blew up and okra was everywhere.

I guess you can call that place Okra-homa!

During the election campaign of 2012, we heard about Obama, but we thought they said Osama. So I told my friend, "Grab his gun and let's have some fun." So during one of Obama's campaigns, we both shot him to death, which lasted a while.

Then my friend said, "Let's go get piss drunk at Mavericks bar." Then on TV they talked about Obama's death, and everybody but 2 guys cheered. Then guess what, we loaded our guns and lit those 2 guys up like we did to Obama.

In Africa, a koala and a kangaroo were very thirsty. The kangaroo said that when they have no water, they dig a hole and water comes out of it. Then the kangaroo dug, and in one minute the koala asked if there was any water. The kangaroo said no, and the koala had to wait for many minutes. Soon water came out of the hole, and then the koala jumped into the hole and drank water. The kangaroo wanted water too, so he tried to pull out the koala, but instead, his tail got chopped off, and then they never became friends again.

Dr. Dre caught his friend Snoop Dogg looking in other people's drawers. Dre then said, "Don't Snoop around."

I once had a trash can as a girlfriend.

I was ready to break up with her, but all she had to say was, "Please don't dump me!" Then I said, "Sorry, I'm ready to take out the trash."

I will tell you a story. There was a fruit named Pear who was named Dyck. He one day met his friend Carrot, who was later killed after being stuck into some girl's vagina.

Pear then became very sadistic and no one loved him, and he became mentally fruit-pressed. One day he met a Banana named Harvey Weinstein, and they got married and had children who were all named Minion. Eventually, the rest of his family died, and Pear was left slowly rotting away. His last words were, "I have finally 'peared' the consequences of all my actions."