Friends jokes

To anyone who wants to be my friend:

Hello.

Does anyone wanna be my friend? Please if ya' do reply to my: "Hello." In the chat. Tysm. Have a greaat day!

Alex <3

My sister's friends are hilarious, like seriously, haha.

"What do you do with your free time?"

"I stalk."

"Really? I enjoy walks in the park, going to the movies, and hanging out with friends."

"I know."

During school today, a girl gave my friend her number. When I saw it, it was the principal's number.

You can pick your friends and you can pick your 🤥 nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃.

Does it 🚲 🚲 🚲 cycle now?

Mom: Hey you! What are you doing?!

Me: Nothing, why?

Mom: You're supposed to do your ______.

Me that/every night: *sob*

Friends: Are you okay?

Me: Yeah, fine.

Me in head: Or maybe I'm not okay...

Friend: Your life is a joke.

Me: No, jokes have meaning.

"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me."

We never saw him again.

If you had a friend like me, would you kill me?

Your hairline goes so far back, your mom is scared you're not going to make friends.

Why do asscheeks make great friends?

They always stick together!

"Yo, Gabriella, any idea where our other friends are?"

My friend said she wanted to fly, so I pushed her off a building.

I asked my friend what happened to him?

His balance shifted.

I had a friend named Wemiyoe... We call him "we me you."

My friend: Yo stupid.

Me: Is that right, and what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?

My friend: *rolls eyes and says whatever.*

Me: Keep on rolling them, you might find your brain in there.

Kim Jong Il: Knock knock.

Political Prisoner: Who's there?

Kim Jong Il: Boo.

Political Prisoner: Boo who?

Kim Jong Il: Boo hoo? Don't cry just because I executed your wife and enslaved your children. You at least get to eat today, my friend.

I have a friend of mine from school. I always see them with bangs, so I never knew what their forehead looked like until one day they came... Their forehead was bigger than Mount Everest, that you can make an entire Olympics mountain climbing audition on that forehead! :)

Young man: "Very good money, and how about the name of the stupid young man again?"

Friend: "Dagobert Duck."

Young man: "Ah, I remember. He was the American useless."

Friend: "Ah, you mean Donald Trump?"

Young man: "Yes, just like that! I know exactly how the guy managed to become president. Hahaha!!!"

I went to go mine for some gold, but then I saw some shorts.

Friend: "Your jokes are too short."

Me: "Zip it, my jokes are always golden."

Friend: "You're such an ingot, don't forget your jokes are always Aurum."

Me: "I know my jokes are Aurum; it's always because I always glitz."

Friend: "At least I have luminescent" (Get it? Lu mines cent)