Friends jokes

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

How can you be friends with a pedophile that's a musician?

B minor.

I asked a Chinese girl her number, she said "Sex, sex, sex, free sex tonight." I said, "Wow!"

Her friend corrected her by saying, "She means: 666-3629."

Why didn't the orphan play video games with his friends?

Because his parents wouldn't let him.

He was walking in the city as he was walking in the city as he was walking in the city as he was walking in the city as he was walking in the city as he was walking in the city hall in French, and then on his way to be a good friend of the situation in the city, as he had been fixed in a few hours of the situation in which he was walking. I will never shiver at the sight [of] words.

Friend: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

Friend: Your life.

Me: Ahhh, I wish!

*jumps off building*

DEPRESSION SPEEDRUN starter-kit:

* Parental issues * Money problems * Genetic likeliness * Horrible friends * Annoying neighbors/classmates * School * Being alive * Actually being a good person for once * Giving a f#ck * War-ridden area * All future options kinda suck

How did number 1 kindly make number 2?

I got my was kicked, let's be friends?

My favorite toast for parties: May I be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows I'm dead.

I love friends.

Person: Did you hear about the black chick on the front of the bus?

Friend: No?

Person: Exactly.

My friend tried to sleep on napkins.

I guess that's why they're called NAP-kins.

One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.

She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.

I have 25 friends in the alphabet.

But I don't know why.

Imagine when you are about to cry at the funeral, then your friend's phone rings.

Then he says, "I'll call you back, I'm still at the die."

A girl walks up to her blind friend who she had not seen in a while and says: "Long time no see!"

Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...

...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.

"Don't sneeze!"

Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.

Also,

"It dangles and swung!"

Language art quizzes are the best.

Me and 1/2 of my friends.

I had a friend who got shot in the head.

Guess you could say he was...

Blown Away!