Friends jokes

My friend said not to look down on me. I said I can't because I'm shorter than her.

Most of his Taliban friends have more wives than teeth.

So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.

Friends, gather here.

Samantha, Josephine, Stevie, Jess, Alice, and Alex.

One would think Dracula would have a lot of friends. Unfortunately, no one likes him. He is a pain in the neck.

Me: Are you an alien?

Friend: No.

Me: Yeah, because you're too ugly to be one.

I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.

What is the difference between a bag of chips and a gun?

If you pull one of them suddenly, everybody wants to be your friend.

Friend (Evan): Did you do some dumb shit?

Me: Hell yeah.

Friend (Evan): Did you get us both in trouble?

Me: Hell yeah.

Friend (Evan): Will I still help you because you are my best friend?

Both: FUCK YEAH!

I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.

He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"

Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"

I played catch with my friends, but they keep going to sleep when I throw it.

You say this to your friend, "Damn, your nuts are bigger than mine!" *thinks the wrong way*.

Friend: I must order more nuts.

Jonny went fishing and he didn’t know how to cast his pole, and he asked his friend Joe how to cast it. Then when he cast, he only cast 3 feet, and he never learned how to do it.

What did the lettuce say to the carrot?

"Lettuce be friends!"

My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?

Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.

If y'all look up freshfry jokes, I'll come up. About a year ago, I had a bunch of friends on this app.

Yesterday I went to a party at my friend’s house. Everyone was dressed as birthday candles. It was a blowout.

One day I went to talk to my friend.

"Hi John!" I said.

No response.

"Oh, yeah."

I went to pick up the remote and clicked the unmute button.

"Hope that helps!"

If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?

The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.

Why does Struan smell so awful? Because he is friends with Jerp.