Friends jokes

A 10 year old girl reported to her friends that her 16 year old male babysitter was touching her inappropriately. He quickly lost his job as a babysitter.

A 10 year old boy reported to his friends that his 16 year old female babysitter was touching him inappropriately. She quickly became the most popular babysitter in town amongst boys.

My friend was playing a game and said he was fighting cultists, so I said Kanye's fanbase.

I was with my friend atom the other day. He’s pretty tall . . . Compared to you.

I pulled a prank on my friend the other day. I painted a portrait of the backrooms blueprints while he was sleeping. Still had some extra space.

Yo mama so old, her photos are in a museum and her friends are in a graveyard.

Friend: Hi.

Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?

Friend: Me?

Me: Damn, no, not you.

Friend: Then who?

Me: The orphan kid.

I guess we're the same.

When my friend fell, I didn't crack up, but the sidewalk did.

I see my friends at school. They talk to me, they go back to class, but they forgot I am their classmate, and they were like, "You're a dumbie." And I was, "Well, you're a dumbass, bi***!"

Me and my friend have a friend that's in a wheelchair, but he is so annoying, so we throw him in a fire. Now we call him "Hot Wheels."

My friend tried high-fiving me; I left him hanging.

My friend told me I was so dark that I had no bright ideas.

Why does Johnny Sins cover his pants, but it doesn't work?

Because the long, hard thing can't chirp down.

Tell it to your parents and friends!

If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?

The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.

Why does Struan smell so awful? Because he is friends with Jerp.

Yesterday I went to a party at my friend’s house. Everyone was dressed as birthday candles. It was a blowout.

My orphan terrorist friend is on TV... I think he blew up.

One would think Dracula would have a lot of friends. Unfortunately, no one likes him. He is a pain in the neck.

Friends, gather here.

Samantha, Josephine, Stevie, Jess, Alice, and Alex.

Me: Are you an alien?

Friend: No.

Me: Yeah, because you're too ugly to be one.

I played catch with my friends, but they keep going to sleep when I throw it.