There was a man he came home with his friends from the bar and man; was he ever wasted. Their friends made sure to get him home safely the next morning he woke up and found blood all over his night stand he called his friends and asked for his alarm clock back.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?: She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff; they found her head and shoulders all over the windshield.
Inmate 1: why u in prison then? Inmate 2: I killed 4 people and robbed someone, watta bout u? Inmate 1: I blew up a school bus Inmate 2:OMG YOU DEMON WERE THEY AUTISTIC? Inmate 1: no they were fortnite kids Inmate 2(who is Muslim): halelouia we have found the messiah
I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when i was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled, Thats a THRILLER.
All of the sudden if your republican your raciest and Communism is a symbol of freedom what happened to the proud men our founding fathers were damit!
What's the difference between my dad and Nemo? Don't know still haven't found them.
The Mother and her Daughter went to the store. After they arrived, the Daughter looked around and ran off somewhere. The Mother realized this and took off looking for her, after awhile, she found her tugging on a black man, the Mother asked "What are you doing" and the Daughter replied "I wan't the chocolate"
Ok, i found this off of an internet meme, this isnt original:
*grabbing kid* Harambe: ok kid, i dont have much time, but obama's last name is- *gunshot*
Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was and she replied with “Oh what’s the point. Life is meaningless...”. Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed.
The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is and he answered with “Oh what’s the point. Life is meaningless...” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!”
As Sam arrived at the counselors office she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.
What happened when the gun dealer found his pistol in his shoe? He found that he had a piece in his sole!!
I found the best Gofundme https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-get-the-time-machine.
What's black and found on top of the stairs? Stephen Hawking during a house fire.
a friend sits across me at class so i assked if she wants to hang out somtimes she said yes so i called her over to my house and thats the day i found out she was a guy. the morul of the story dont try to fuck your frindes.
Little Johnny went to the beach found some cocane and died the end
I was absolutely fuming when i found out my mate was rifling through my mums knicker draw
No one goes in there without my permission
I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said “don’t bother sweeping him son, hes been dusted for years” I was shocked but not surprised.
A dog found a bone then he was walking happily across to street and he saw a bridge he dicided to walk on the bridge he saw his reflection and thought It was another dog then he barked at him and the bone fell in the river the dog said what a fool I have been and walked away
Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly
