New Football Jokes - Page 5 - Worst Jokes Ever

9/11, also known as the day football stopped.

I was on the Official Cristiano Ronaldo website when suddenly my Anti-Virus software showed an alert on my screen! The notification read "WARNING: FRAUD DETECTED!" I was shocked but not surprised.

Penaldo has been finished for years after all, and he often ghosts in big games.

South's losing to Broncos. 😹

Why didn't the dog want to play football??

'Cause he was a boxer!

So an orphan played for a football team, and the coach said, "Your parents must be proud of you!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I was exploring a haunted mansion when I encountered a ghost named Pristiano Penaldo. He asked if I supported Burnley as he wanted to statpad against me. Luckily, I pulled out my trusty Liverpool shirt, and he disappeared. Shame on you, Penaldo.

Why didn't the koala make the football team? Because it got diskoalafied!! <3

What Football Club does Mason Greenwood play for?

Prison FC

A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"

You caught a Penaldo!

Description: Penaldo, the finished statpadder. It is said that Penaldo drains the energy of its teammates and sells underwears.

Type: Ghost type.

Moves: Dive

Disappear in big games

Cry for pens

Statpad vs farmers

Sells underwear

🎵Penaldo Thrills🎵

C’mon c’mon turn the VAR on.

It's Penalty time and it won't be long.

Gotta dive and cry some more.

It's Penalty time and it won't be long.

‘Til I Hit the floor and dive alot.

Cry some more and dive alot. That all I need, because I got u my love, Penalty.

Fuck the Green Bay Packers!

The dirtiest football player in my school was the smallest.

He was just trying to find out who was tickling his balls.

What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?

I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.

I was born and raised in Newcastle.

My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.

Q: Why can't orphans be on a football team?

A: Because they won't know where to go on a home game.

So NFL teams were playing football on me, and then Justin Jefferson hit something called "the gritty" on me.

Top 1 best football player 🏈 in the world.

“The guy who tackles the Make-A-Wish kid!”

Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!