Foot jokes
What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
Why did the leper fail his driving test?
He left his foot on the clutch.
Landing on its feet won't help a cat in China...
Did you hear about the four foot tall psychic who escaped prison?
He's a small medium at large.
Does your shoe have a hole in it?
No.
Then how did you put your foot in it?
"Simba is proof cats don’t always land on their feet."
A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”
Why don't wheelchairs have pedals, so when their arms get tired, they can keep going with their feet?
So, about a year ago I was riding a horse, and out of nowhere the horse tried to flip me off it and I fell off. I would have been OK, but my foot got stuck in the stirrup. The horse dragged me along and didn't stop.
I would have died if it weren't for the Walmart manager who came out and unplugged the horse.
Why do you put a baby into a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face...
Why are all women's feet small? So they can stand closer to the stove.
God creating cats.
GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.
ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?
GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
Q: How did we learn cats don't land on their feet?
A: We asked Mufasa from the Lion King.
How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?
Mufasa.
Yo mama's so hot when she walked into Subway she gave me a foot long!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam foot got caught in the door, can you please open it!
Why do cows have hooves and not feet? They lactose.
Why don’t alligators grow up to 15 feet?
They only have 4.
A friend texts to another:
"Hey." They reply, "What's up?"
The first friend then replies with a simple answer, "The sky!" But the other friend intervenes and says, "No, it's the ceiling!"
To then the first friend finishes the greeting with, "Unless you're homeless or six feet under."