Foot jokes
"Simba is proof cats don’t always land on their feet."
A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”
Why don't wheelchairs have pedals, so when their arms get tired, they can keep going with their feet?
So, about a year ago I was riding a horse, and out of nowhere the horse tried to flip me off it and I fell off. I would have been OK, but my foot got stuck in the stirrup. The horse dragged me along and didn't stop.
I would have died if it weren't for the Walmart manager who came out and unplugged the horse.
Why do you put a baby into a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face...
Why are all women's feet small? So they can stand closer to the stove.
God creating cats.
GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.
ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?
GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
Q: How did we learn cats don't land on their feet?
A: We asked Mufasa from the Lion King.
How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?
Mufasa.
Yo mama's so hot when she walked into Subway she gave me a foot long!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam foot got caught in the door, can you please open it!
Why do cows have hooves and not feet? They lactose.
Why don’t alligators grow up to 15 feet?
They only have 4.
A friend texts to another:
"Hey." They reply, "What's up?"
The first friend then replies with a simple answer, "The sky!" But the other friend intervenes and says, "No, it's the ceiling!"
To then the first friend finishes the greeting with, "Unless you're homeless or six feet under."
What has 5 legs, 3 arms, and 2 feet?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
If a person walks off a hundred-foot cliff and halfway down screams, "Why did I do that?" Then a second person walks off the same one-hundred-foot cliff and screams the same verse, "Why did I do that?" Then another person walks off the cliff and screams the same line, "Why did I do that," and the next person does the same thing. What do you call that?
(Stupid People)
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
There was a guy I knew who owned a foot-high piano player.
He had found a magic lamp and rubbed it. The genie popped out and gave him one wish.
The guy thinks the genie was a bit deaf, as all he got was a 12" pianist.
A man asks to play kick the bucket (not death).
The other man agrees. They go to the top of Mt. Everest. The man who asked ties the bucket to the other one's foot. Then he kicks it off the cliff, which brings the man with it. LOL
THE END