Food jokes
What do you call a fast Panera Bread?
Panera Sped.
Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing!
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
How did the Chinese chicken cross the road?
He wok-ed.
Your mama is so fat and stupid. She got hit by a school bus. Her reply was, "Who threw that Twinkie at me?"
Your mama is so fat.
She went on a diet and solved world hunger!
Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself…
A piece of cake.
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
Smoking will kill you.
Bacon will kill you.
But, smoking bacon will cure it!
Why were the twin towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead they got plain.
What chips are you not allowed to give to orphans?
Family size.
Two baked beans traveled around Australia.
They both ended up in Cairns.
Where is the best place to eat tacos?
In the Gulp of Mexico.
I got banana nut bread for you.
Oh no, the nuts are missing!
Oh, I found them!
You know where they are?
UP YOUR BUTTHOLE!
How did your dad come back with the milk? The Milky Way.
Yo momma's titty milk taste like Captain Crunch.
Why are apples and orphans the same?
They always get picked on.
I'm going to destroy your momma's [vulgar term] just like I destroyed that Tastykake.
Your mom said my cum tastes like Captain Crunch, bitch.