Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
Food Jokes
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
Smoking will kill you.
Bacon will kill you.
But, smoking bacon will cure it!
Why were the twin towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead they got plain.
What chips are you not allowed to give to orphans?
Family size.
Two baked beans traveled around Australia.
They both ended up in Cairns.
Where is the best place to eat tacos?
In the Gulp of Mexico.
I got banana nut bread for you.
Oh no, the nuts are missing!
Oh, I found them!
You know where they are?
UP YOUR BUTTHOLE!
How did your dad come back with the milk? The Milky Way.
Yo momma's titty milk taste like Captain Crunch.
Why are apples and orphans the same?
They always get picked on.
I'm going to destroy your momma's [vulgar term] just like I destroyed that Tastykake.
Your mom said my cum tastes like Captain Crunch, bitch.
Hey, whatβs your favorite type of tomato? Mine is sun-dried tomato.
Get it? "Sun-dried" like "son died."
For my birthday on September 11th this year, I just want a plane, but delicious, chocolate cake.
What do you call a fat Chinese person that talks way too much? Panda Express.
What is it called when you talk in Panera Bread?
Panera said.
What do you call a Panera Bread doctor?
A Panera med.
Mmmm, bread. I love Panera Bread.
This is unrelated, but where I live, there is no Panera Bread. Y'know what that's called?
No Panera Bread.
What do you call it when Panera Bread is a book?
Panera Read.
