What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What's a ghost's favorite food?
I like some boo-ritos!
What does having sex with a woman and cooking an egg in a skillet have in common?
Both end with a loud annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean the shit up.
You say this to your friend, "Damn, your nuts are bigger than mine!" *thinks the wrong way*.
Friend: I must order more nuts.
Me after Taco Bell: Go to: [link to image of broken toilet]