Feed

Feed jokes

What is the difference between me and the Twin Towers?

My mom was only airplane feeding me a spoon.

How do Taliban parents feed their babies?

"Here comes the plane... weeee, BOOM! 💥"

This kinda reminds me of when my mum was feeding me. She always used to say, "Open wide for the delicious plane."

Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and it asked me, "What is the difference between a large pizza and you?" One can feed a family.

There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.

When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”

Johnny, Johnny?

Yes, Papa.

Eating sugar?

Yes, Papa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach, and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you’re mad at me for eating a little sugar.

Smoking? Telling lies?

Yes, Papa, you do all of those things because you’re a chronic addict.

Do you know the teacher that went up into space?

You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."

We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.

Ah, son of a bitch, I got the truth stuck on my shoe?!?!

The truth: Breast feeding is like having long sex with your baby. God dammit, I hate the truth!

When you see a group of pornstars sitting together looking up with their mouths open, that's when you know that Mama bird is back at the nest to feed the baby birds some worms.

The other day I commented a dark humor joke on a post about a guy who lost his best friend. The joke was “I was so drunk last night I threw a mushroom at a midget and said ‘grow mario grow.’” He commented “What the hell is wrong with you?” and I said “IKR I really gotta work on my alcoholic issues.”

He then replied “This is a post about my dead best friend get the fuck off my feed I don’t even know you.” And so I said “Well then get to know me, I could become your new best friend!”