What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.
My mom told me we were flying to a building to see my aunt. I wondered, "Are we about to relive 9/11?"
What’s similar between a pregnant 12 year old and the fetus inside of her? They’re both thinking oh shit my mums gonna kill me!
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
This is a 2 for 1 plane combo that will never exist.
But, it's like a plane pizza.
Nothing happens, but it terrorizes me.
What does a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus have in common? They're both thinking; "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me!"
Why was 10 afraid? Because he was 'tween 9 and 11.
Serial killers be like: "Blood is red, veins are blue, next one is YOU."
"Don't worry! Life goes on."
"Yeah, that's what's had me worried."
What is the biggest fear of firefighters?
Burnout at work.
Q. What do rapists fear more than rabies?
A. Rape babies.
Girls are like roller coasters; the faster you go, the louder they scream.
I threw my boomerang and now I live in constant fear.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
Teachers: Whenever there’s a school shooting, hide under the desk.
Students: Hiding under desk.
Shooter: Well, no one’s in here!
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He had no balls to do it.
Two friends are arguing and one friend says, "Jason Warhis is not afraid of water and not ifs, ands, or buts about it."
And the other friend says, "Butt he is."
"Since 7 8 9, why was 10 scared? Because it was in between 9 and 1."
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he had no balls to do it.
Why are orphans so scared of the dark?
The dad can't check the closet for them.
