I once had a cat that reminded me of Doug Ford.
Fat, mean, and probably inbred.
Fat Jokes
Yo mama is so fat, I thought she was a beach whale.
My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire
1. You're so dumb, you think Cheerios are donut seeds!
2. You're so fat, you could sell shade!
3. You're just like coconut water, nobody likes you!
4. Have you been shopping lately? Because they're selling lives around the corner, you should go get one!
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence!!
Are these good?
You're so fat that you have to live on Pluto so you don't destroy any of the planets.
Yo mama so fat that when she crossed the road, people mistook her for a roundabout.
Colder than the conversation between a fat guy and a Super Model...
Your mama so fat, when Santa saw her he said, "Ho, ho, holy s***!"
A short person should never piss off a fat person taller than them. The fat person just has to lean slightly, and it's 9/11 all over again.
Enemy: You know, I saw you walking down the street, and at first glance, I thought you were a fat and ugly bitch.
Me: Strange... Who puts a mirror in the middle of the street?
I'm a fat cow.
Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country?
A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.
Your mom is so fat she ate an iPad and said, "Ahqah!" funny food mmm banana and hehe haha! And what deal with airline food? It's not white and it's not black and it's not Asian!? AHAH? DSF
Your momma is so fat, the whole Earth falls down to 100,000,000 ft.
Yo momma so fat, she made up of a lot of atoms.
Tech administrator of a school: Hm, a message from Google security?
Tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT!
Assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME?
Tech administrator of a school: WE'VE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE!
Assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board.
A FEW MOMENTS LATER
Head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, almost as good as the one with Jack, Jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA
Tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right?
Head of school board: *whispers* yeah we're fucked...
TWO HOURS LATER
Important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!
AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER
Yo mama so fat that when she sat on the couch, the couch got destroyed.
Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?
Students: Eggs.
Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon.
Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?
Kids: Homework.
I know five fat people, and you're three of them.
Your mum's so fat that when she goes to KFC, they run out of stock of chicken.
