Fat jokes

Location is in London by the way.

One day a fatass came home and told his friend that he lost money.

His friend: "Oh for once you lost some pounds!"

A farmer has 3 fat ugly cows. One is named Xia. The next is named Chiang. What's the third?

Yu.

You're so fat, Thanos had to snap three times to destroy you.

Friend, you so faaaat.

Me: Boy, at least I'm not built like a Nintendo Switch.

When I went to the doctor, he pulled his wife in and said, "What do you see?"

I replied, "A fat bitch." He said, "Ok, your eyesight is perfect."

Why do the Japanese hate Christmas?

Because the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population.

There was a man who had just moved from a foreign country. He just moved into his apartment and was watching his favorite TV shows. The first one was "me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me," the second one was "forks and knives, forks and knives, all I use is forks and knives," and the last one was "BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!"

There had been a murder in the area, and the man was walking in the park when a cop showed up and asked him, "Sir, have you seen this man?" and held up a photo. The man said "me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me." The cop said, "Sir, what did you use?" and the man said "forks and knives, forks and knives, all I use is forks and knives." After that, the cop said, "Sir, I'm going to have to arrest you," and the man said "BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!" The screen goes black, and all you can here "chk-chk. BANG"

Borders are fat.

Your momma so fat, when she asked for a water bed, she got a concrete bed.

I once had a cat that reminded me of Doug Ford.

Fat, mean, and probably inbred.

Yo mama is so fat, I thought she was a beach whale.

My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire

1. You're so dumb, you think Cheerios are donut seeds!

2. You're so fat, you could sell shade!

3. You're just like coconut water, nobody likes you!

4. Have you been shopping lately? Because they're selling lives around the corner, you should go get one!

If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence!!

Are these good?

You're so fat that you have to live on Pluto so you don't destroy any of the planets.

Yo mama so fat that when she crossed the road, people mistook her for a roundabout.

Colder than the conversation between a fat guy and a Super Model...

Your mama so fat, when Santa saw her he said, "Ho, ho, holy s***!"

A short person should never piss off a fat person taller than them. The fat person just has to lean slightly, and it's 9/11 all over again.

Enemy: You know, I saw you walking down the street, and at first glance, I thought you were a fat and ugly bitch.

Me: Strange... Who puts a mirror in the middle of the street?

I'm a fat cow.