Farm jokes

What did the cow say to its udders? "Hi."

A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.

Why do shepherds never learn to count?

Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.

What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?

One bails her hay, and the other heils her bae.

Who did the cow want to hang with?

The udders.

What unit of measurement is used on farms? Barn yards.

A scarecrow said this job isn't for everyone.

But hay! It's in my jeans!

We just got a new chicken-proof lawn. It's impeccable.

Q: What do you call a cranky cow?

A: Moooooooody.

A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?

On the COWch (couch).

Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

He was just feeling like he needed a break, you know? Life is hard when you're a rooster looking after your hen and chicks. He just wanted a sense of normality, walking out of the farm. He felt light-headed, staring into the distance. Then, at this very moment, he realised it was his darkest hour.

Join us for more of the story, after the break!

What is a cow's favorite drink?

Mountain Moo!

What’s the difference between a hoe and a rooster?

A rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo," and a hoe says, "Any cock will do."

What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? -- Laughing stock.

Why did the cow jump over the moon?

Because the farmer had cold hands!

What do you call a short cow in tall grass? Udderly tickled :)

Whenever a woman files a rape accusation, it’s obviously fake. Even the cows at my farm are more likely, at least they aren’t flat.

A rooster ran across the border from the USA to Canada and laid an egg. Which country does that egg belong to?

Roosters don't lay eggs.

Little Johnny was late to school one day, and Miss Brown asks, "Johnny, how come you're late to class?" And Johnny says, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and started fucking the white cow." Miss Brown said, "Johnny, don't use that word. Next time you want to say that, use the word 'surprised'."

The next day Johnny was late again, and Miss Brown said, "Johnny, why are you late?" And Johnny replied, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and 'surprised' the white cow." Miss Brown said, "That's much better, Johnny." And Johnny said, "Yeah, walked straight passed it and started fucking the black one."