Fans Jokes

A man goes into heaven and there he meets jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says “that is mother teresa’s clock it has never moved because she has never lied”. “There is Abraham Lincolns clock. He has .lied twice so it has moved twice.” “Where is Donald Trump’s?” Ask’s the man. Jesus answers “it is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan.”

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Once I went to a museum and over heard someone speaking to an employee for information.

"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."

"oh cool"

"this is mother Teresa's clock, the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."

"Makes sense"

"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice indicating he only lied twice."

"Where's Trump's clock"

"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."

And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.

Puns about air conditioning. I'm not a fan

As an honest Penaldo fan I have to admit he is a penalty merchant. He can only score against farmer teams like Spezia. He never shows up against great teams like Barcelona. I've come to realize my hero Penaldo will never be better than Messi. My idol Penaldo is sadly finished.

What’s the best form of contraception? Being a soccer fan. 😃😃😃😃😃😃

I was born and raised in Newcastle. My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium