Christopher’s Mom said one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Turns out Christopher was adopted.
a little boy decided to burn a house down. the father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "thats arson"
i'll never forget my dads last words before he kicked the bucket: "hey, look how far i can kick this bucket!!"
in what city do you always loose your mum Mumbai
I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% Graduation rate and he said "Your mom doesn't count as a college"
mum: why are roses red? child: stop, mum, you never make jokes. mum: i made you.
What do my parents have in common with Nemo? They can't be found :')
Why can't an orphan be gay?? Because they don't have anyone to call daddy ( My bad if this offended anyone)
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.
My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade
A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?" The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again." An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them." A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." "No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream." If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off? A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect." "Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
Why didn’t the emo attend her grandma’s funeral? She thought her grandma was trying to flex.
Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school. “Dad I got an F in Geography class!” “Why is that?” “The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building’” Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”
What’s a joke that an orphan has never heard before? A dad joke.
I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."
What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common? Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”
Wants worse than ants in you pants
Your uncle
I turned the light on and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.
What is an Orphans least favorite store?
Family Dollar, they just can’t seem to find one.
