Family jokes
How are my sister‘s legs and peanut butter alike?\n\nThey’re both smooth and easy to spread.
Orphans get family-sized chips for free.
A manager asked a black employee to work overtime. The employee initially agreed until he was told it would be without pay.
The employee responded with, "You know what happened last time my family worked for free?"
"What happened?" said the manager.
"A civil war."
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They won't be able to find home.
What did the orphan say to the blind kid?\n\n"Hey, we both can't see our parents!"
Why do orphans try to be arrested? So that they'll be wanted.
What is missing on an orphanage computer? The motherboard.
Why aren't orphans good at poker?
Because they don't know what a "full home" is!
How do you know your sister’s on her period? Your dad's cock tastes funny.
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, and careers.
What did the 9/11 survivor say when he went back to his family? "You won't believe it! The Twin Towers became conjoined twins when it happened!"
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."
The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."
I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back until I realized it is a family business.
Why can't orphans open a website?
Because they don't have a home page.
What is the favorite movie of orphans?
Spider-Man: Homecoming.
Yo, stop making 9/11 jokes. My grandpa was a pilot.
What do blind people and orphans have in common?
They both can't see their parents.
Why can’t Homer Simpson bring his family into Moe’s Tavern?
Because there’s a bartender in there.
An innocent boy is reading through his father’s phone, looking at the messages and trying to learn things about his family from them. He saw a message asking for something which seemed strange, but ultimately the boy decided to surprise his father with what it said.
“Timmy, why are there thirty-five cats in the living room?” shouted the father.
“I was only supplying what you wanted from Mother!” replied the boy.