Family jokes
Fritzchen was supposed to remember three sentences. He asks his mother, "Mom, do you have any news?" The mother replies angrily, "Stop it!"
Fritzchen goes to see his father, who is watching a football match. When a goal is scored, he shouts, "That's it!"
Finally, he asks his sister, "Sister, do you have anything to say?" She is currently reading a story about a fool and says, "He is the dumbest person in the world!"
The next day at school, the teacher asks, "Fritzchen, did you learn the phrases?" Fritzchen replies, "Stop it!" The teacher is shocked: "Fritzchen! Don't say that to me. Go to the principal immediately!" Fritzchen shouts, "That's it!" Arriving at the principal's office, he asks, "Who do you think I am?" Fritzchen promptly replies, "He's the dumbest person in the world!"
Girl: "Daddy!"
Father: "Do I love you?"
Girl: "I'm a... a girl!"
Father: "Mhm!"
Woman: "Daddy?"
Father: "Of course?"
Woman: "I'm a girl too!"
Father: "Does God love children?"
Boy: "Yessss..."
My sister looks like Santa Claus.
"You are so pretty?"
"No, too many people!"
Father: "Fritz, light the Christmas tree!"
What does an orphan call a family photo?
A wishlist.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they have no home to run to.
What do you call an orphan in a room full of mirrors?
Surrounded by loved ones.
What’s the best thing about dating an orphan?
You don’t need parental consent.
What does an orphan call a kidnapping?
A surprise adoption.
Let's see what the orphans are gonna tell their parents about this: "Hey you buttheads, you stink!"
Looks like they didn't tell their parents.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and orphans?
The parents remember 9/11.
What type of chip can orphan's not eat? The Lay's Family Size chips!
Do you think we should ask the orphan's parents' permission?
Wait... nevermind.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and orphans?
At least the Twin Towers saw the parents they crashed on.
An orphan walked up to St. June's Family Hospital.
Doctor: "Sorry kid, you can't be in here."
Girl: "Dad."
Dad: "Do I love you?"
Girl: "I am a prostitute."
Dad: "Yes."
Woman 2: "Dad."
Dad: "Right?"
Woman 2: "I'm a woman too."
Father: "God, do you love children?"
Boy: "Yes..."
New teacher: "I was an orphan when I was young."
Student: "But!"
Teacher: "Is something missing?"
Student: "Your parents!"
What is harder than steel?
My cousin at the family reunion.
Doctor: "I am so sorry, I cannot see you today."
Orphan: "Oh, okay. What about tomorrow?"
Doctor: "No, I can't see you ever."
Orphan: "Why?"
Doctor: "Because I am a family doctor."
Why did the orphan go to church?
It was because he was looking for someone to call "Father."