BlessedBrian’s mom’s birth certificate is a COLLECTOR’S ITEM
Tuesday I was looking at my family tree and two dogs were using it
I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo. He said they want you they’ll come get you.
I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk The dad finally came back with the milk
BlessedBrian’s family reunions must be like a casting call for the ADDAMS FAMILY
Rapeboat has 6 fingers on each hand an 1 big eyebrow. Signs of inbreeding
Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
What does ur mom say when she is working? Nothing, its rude to talk wit ur mouth full.
My parents raised me as an only child, which infuriated my sister.
What is the best part about Alabama prostitutes? Family comes first
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive!
My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school
So I had him bring my wife
I can’t watch anime anymore when my friends grandpa is in the house
He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war
Why didn’t the train kill nine families of four?
Because he had no loco-MOTIVE AHAHAH
I was kicked out of a orphanage kitchen because I yelled hurry up some of us have homes to get back to.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.
Son asks dad “how much does marriage cost?”
Dad: “i don’t know son I’m still paying for it”
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy and his owner beats him.
