Family jokes
What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?
I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black.
I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!
Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?
Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...
Son: Am I kidnapped?
Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
Q: Why did Hitler shoot himself?
A: Because his mother taught him to take out the trash.
Your gene pool is more like a gene puddle.
I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."
My grandpa was a great pilot, but he died on September 11, 2001.
One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.
What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
Y'all heard of Poptarts, eh?
Well why are there no Momtarts?
Because of the PASTRYarchy!
Why do orphans always have the newest iPhone?
Because it doesn’t have a home button.
What's the difference between me and my mate...
I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.
Why do orphans cause trouble at school?
So the teachers will call their parents.
Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?
Teacher: What?
Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.
Teacher: Why water?
Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.
A Jew and a Jew walk into a bar. The goy says, "What do you want?" The first Jew says, "Give it alcohol." The second Jew says, "My son ran away and became Christian." Another Jew pipes in, he says, "My son too!" The bartender turns around and says, "You're not going to believe this..."
Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.
You have a father figure.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, how did you know and what gave me away?
Me: Where's your parents?
Orphan: They died and I have a phone, why?
Me: Because it has a home button.
"The dad was so horny he wanted to have sex with his wife, but his wife said no, so he fucked his daughter."