Family jokes
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was a blow job.
What did Rapboat's mom say to Rapboat?
"Is it in yet?"
What’s worse than finger banging your sister?
Finding your dad’s wedding ring.
Yo mama so clumsy, she gave birth to you.
What do you call a person who keeps making jokes about rappers?
An annoying prick whose black dad left him as a kid.
What does your mom say when she is working?
Nothing, it's rude to talk with your mouth full.
I seriously don't get why people in Alabama are angered that Mexican immigrants are taking their jobs. I mean, it's not like they are preventing your son from giving you a big, fat blow job.
Why are Alabamians so resentful of immigrants?
They don't want their sons and daughters to have sex with anyone other than their siblings or relatives.
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
What's one thing your dad shares with black men? Your sister.
What's your mom and a dog got in common?
Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.
My parents raised me as an only child, which infuriated my sister.
What is the best part about Alabama prostitutes?
Family comes first.
What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?
They’re both in my bed.
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive!
My friend's dad went to jail. He's just surprised because he can finally find him!
I told my wife I needed a blood transfusion when I could not remember. She said, "Be positive too."
Bad, I am now a ghost writing this.
My mom asked, "Why are you so depressed? It could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer."
I replied, "I wish I were Tracy Latimer because then someone would kill me."
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.