Family Jokes

My dad went out with Nemo one day to the store. They still haven't come back.

Mom! (DYM 14)

Mom said drugs are my enemies. God said love your enemies. What do I tell her?

Mom!

My sister said download "Among Us" on my iPad, so I did. Then she taught me to play. Then she told me a code and told me where to put it, and I typed in the code.

Then she was the imposter, and I was a crewmate, so I was sticking with her, and she killed me when we made it to the medbay.

A painting depicts ancient people engaged in hunting and gathering activities in a rural landscape. In the foreground, a man with a tool on his shoulder walks with a dog. In the background, other figures are working near thatched huts and animals like cows and pigs. Overlaid on the left side of the image is a smartphone screen displaying a scene from "Family Guy" where Peter, Meg, and Brian are playing a board game. Text on the phone screen reads "20 Funny Scenes", "Family Guy", "animation", and "Disney". A black bar at the top of the image contains the text "hunting and gathering boring ahh hell".

I didn’t orphan never say home.

Because they didn’t have one.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they don't have a home.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Sister.

Sister who?

My sister's ass.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they have no home to run to.

Why can’t orphans go on “go big or go home?”

Cuz they’d always have to go big as they have no home.

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted me and my dad and walk home from home and walk home and walk walk home.

Today I asked my sis to take out the trash, and I shoved her outside!

Hi, how are you? I was busy doing something right. I just texted because me and my dad were going to.

What do you call your kids?

Why can't orphans play baseball? They ain't got no home to run to.

What did the white baby say to his Chinese parents?

"Two wongs don’t make a white."

I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.