Family jokes
I fucked your mom.
What do you do when you see a sad orphan?
Nothing, let them wait for their parents.
My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.
Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!
Little Johnny brings his cat to school, and then the teacher asked him why. Little Johnny says, "Because I heard my dad tell my mom I'm going to eat that pussy up when the kids leave!"
Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.
An orphan came out of the closet to their parents as gay. Oh wait...
Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.
What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.
What do an orphan and a homeless person have in common?
They have no one to call "Dad."
Why can't orphans be gay?
'Cause they can't call anyone "Daddy."
Why would an orphan kill his family? Because they weren't there.
In a deep village in Germany, an old man asked his granddaughter, "What are you doing?"
His granddaughter replies, "Removing Polish with chemicals."
Grandpa said, "When I was young, I did the same."
So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.
Yo mama so fat, Dora can't explore her.
What is the difference between E.T. and an orphan?
E.T. can actually call home.
Teacher: What's 55 flowers plus 67 flowers?
Kid: A garden?
Teacher: Did I tell you that you're adopted?
Why don’t orphans understand the meaning of a family reunion?
Because they’re not wanted, yet maybe they should rob a 🏦 bank ;)
What is the difference between your dad and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.
How are Tinder and orphans alike?
You swipe left till you find the one you like.
I saw my sister sucking a big toe.
"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."