Family jokes

A dad and his son walk out to the middle of the woods armed only with a shovel and a lantern.

Son: "Dad, it's creepy out here!"

Dad: "You're complaining? I'm the one that has to leave the woods alone!"

I was walking, and I saw an orphan, and I said, "Where are your parents?"

Evan, me and your mom are done with you.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because he can't find his parents.

"Send me back, I never liked you."

Why do people name a kid "Rob?" Because they want him to rob a bank so they could adopt new kids to lock in their basement for a late-night toy.

A child with cancer says, "Mother, what will I be when I grow up?"

Then the mother says, "Shut up, dick, you have cancer!" Hehehe.

I told my cousin since we're not blood-related our parents would let us date.

Her pants were on fire.

Don't adopt people, or else your parents are gonna say you're ACTUALLY adopted, k thx. No jokes anymore, bye.

Grandma: calls You: Hello Grandma, what are you doing? Why, you can't mean I'm right in the house right now? Grandma: I didn't mean to call you, bye.

What's the difference between a happy family and a car guy? Only one has a family.

My dad left me.

Knock knock. Who's there? Jo. Jo who? Jo Auntie.

What did one orphan say to another? Where's your home?

Mommy, why is my name Brick???

Mom: When you were a little baby, a brick dropped on your head.

Mommy, why is my name Rose???

Mom: When you were a little baby, a rose petal dropped on your head.

Brick walks in, "Blagudnunag."

I was on a plane and my mom said, "It's just a little turbulence."

And I said, "Mom, we just got on the runway!"

Who are you?

Oh, I'm an orphan!

Oh... bye! :/

Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?

12 year old me: Yeah!

Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?

Me: What?

My sister asked where is my book.... me: "itti badi nak hai gufa jaisi dhund us mei."

Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?

Dad: Because you were made there.

Mum: We haven't been to Canada.

Dad: Hol' up a minute.