Family jokes

Are you a marry, because you are my mother?

I named my cousin's parrot Michell, and then I started to call Mikey "Mikey", right? I'm starting to teach my cousin Sammy how to say "Mikey Mikey" and he says "mekiy meiky" 😆

Sad life goes, joke mom.

Why did the orphan go to church?

To finally call someone father. 😂😂

I got raped when I was 5 in my princess pajamas by my dad. Nobody laughed at these jokes; they just cried.

A father awaits the birth of his first child.

The obstetrician says, "Unfortunately, he has no arms."

The father says, "I'll love it all the same."

But the obstetrician adds, "It is also without legs, trunk, head."

The father says, "I'll love it all the same."

Then the obstetrician confessed to him, "I'm sorry, but only this ear was born."

The father says, "I'll love it all the same."

And the obstetrician says, "Talk to him closer: he's deaf!"

Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.

He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"

She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?

Because they miss Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.

So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.

When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.

"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.

Then it clicked.

"Ah, so that's how you died."

My dad came out of my step-sister's room as I came out of my step-mum's room.

Knock knock. "Who's there?" Not your grandpa, he crashed the plane.

"Tibia" honestly, I think the reason I’m "bonely" is because you guys don’t find my jokes "humerus."

Maybe if I played the trombone it would get people’s attention, but "tibia" honest I can’t be bothered, so just look at my "BONE-zai" tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one, so how about a "S-pine" tree?

When do you know your dad knows you are sneaking out? He hears the loud creaks.

What's the difference between Nemo and my dad?

Nemo was eventually found.

I love to play catch with my dad! He's never there to catch the ball, though.

Where did daddy cum in the bed?...

Everywhere!

We found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than my dad.

Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.

I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.

And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol, but if I were you, I wouldn’t kiss your mom on the mouth at all.