Family jokes

What's the difference between you and your sister?

Your dad.

Peter: Curses!

Jacob: Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Peter: *Crying*

Jacob: Why are you crying?

Jacob: Whatever. *Leaves orphanage*

Why are you so fat? I bet you take after your mom more.

I got a GTR yesterday, now my kids say, "GTR we there yet?"

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They don't have a home base.

My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.

I told him my dad never came back with it.

My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.

The best part of working at an orphanage is you can give them family-size chips.

What’s the difference between a dad and a boomer age?

Why does the orphan go to church? He needs someone to call father.

What is an orphan's favorite show?

"Full House."

What was the orphan's favorite cartoon show?

"Fairly OddParents."

Yo mama joke.

The one good thing about an orphan is that they don't get roasted with a "yo mama" joke.

How does an orphan call his parents?

"..."

Everyone makes mistakes. Like my mom, she made a mistake 13 years ago.

My mom said, "Hey, come over here."

I responded, "Too late, Mom!"

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Apples are picked.

A kid decided to burn his house down.

His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell them to clap until their parents come back.