Family jokes

My mom said my sister was an angel, but when I threw her out the window, she didn't fly.

Damn, that beat dropped harder than my grandma falling down the stairs.

"I miss you.

Being happy was never that hard without you..."

Someone's dad: You think he/she wants to join me? I didn't get the milk...

Grandma: When we go to a wedding, whispers, "You're next."

At a funeral, I whisper, "You're next."

Couldn't be me being an orphan.

Why couldn't your mom make you dinner? Because she's dead!

What is the difference between a baseball player and an orphan?

The baseball player has a home to run back to.

On April Fool's, go to an orphanage and tell them that their parents are here to pick them up.

Why can't an orphan play soccer on the home side of the field? They don't have a home!

What do orphans get on Xmas?

Lonely.

Why does an orphan have an iPhone XR for their first phone?

Because it doesn’t have a home button.

How does a hillbilly mother know when her daughter is on her period? Her son’s dick tastes like blood.

Why do orphans suck at baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.

Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?

Orphan: I don't know what you mean.

Me: There is no one to give a present.

What is the similarity between an orphan and the new Spider-Man movie, "There's No Way Home"?

I got an iPhone 14 for my brother? That was the best trade I ever made.

What's an orphan's favorite flower?

A self-raising flower.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they won't know where home plate is.

Why are orphans good at dodge ball?

No one misses them.

At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.