Family jokes
What's your mom and a dog got in common?
Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.
How to make an orphan's feet bleed? Make them run in place until their parents get them.
I was walking down the hallway at my job when I saw a kid crying.
I asked him where his parents were, and he kept crying.
Man, I love working at the orphanage.
Why can’t kids at an orphanage play hide and seek?
Because no one’s looking for them.
What did Luke Skywalker say when he saw someone bullying his sister?
You better not lay a finger on her!
What do you tell twins who are in love with each other?
Go fuck yourself!
If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan.
What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Another condom name is "Orphan's Home."
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
Why can’t orphans build computers?
They don’t know where to put the motherboard.
How do adults like their cookies like their orphans?
Homemade.
One day I was saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, “Yeah, what gave me away?” I said, “His parents.”
Q: Why is it good being an orphan?
A: Because the family sized bag is all there's.
I asked my uncle why he was living on the streets.
He said that he wasn't always on the streets, he used to have a job at these two towers. I asked him what happened, and he said two planes happened.
"When your mom is pregnant and your best friend learns dad jokes."
Me:.....
My mom told me to look for a bill in her file at her home office. Instead, I grabbed my sister's adoption papers.
Mom: (Looking through Facebook) How adorable!
Kid: (Looking over her shoulder) What a cute ass!
The kid's mom blushes until she realizes what he was pointing to. It was a picture of a baby donkey.
The real question is, what was she looking at on the same screen that made her blush at that remark?
Yo Nan.
Your entire family tree must be a cactus, because everyone in your family is such a prick.
My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"
No witnesses.