Family jokes

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell them to clap until their parents come back.

Why don't orphans play baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.

POV: Your dad is gone.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not your dad. LMAO.

Your dad left you 10 years ago and you're 10 years old, so your dad anniversary is today.

Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"

And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"

Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?

Shut up and pass me the note.

Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?

Shut up and keep sewing!

"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"

"Only in your dreams."

Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?

"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."

I made a website on orphans, sadly it didn't have a homepage.

Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"

Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"

Boy: "What do you mean?"

Friend and me: "We can show you."

Me: "I will tie the rope."

Friend: "I will push the chair."

RYAN MY BELOVED SON WHERE ARE YOU?

Another condom name is "Orphan's Home."

Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.

Next day:

Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?

Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.

The dad sulked for 3 whole years.

Proof that words really can hurt.

Why did your father go away?

'Cause he needs da milk.

Why do orphans die when a tornado comes?

They don't have parents to protect them.

Three men were lost in the desert and found a genie who granted each of them a wish.

The 1st man wished he was home with his family. The 2nd man wished he was home with his family, and the 3rd man wished they were all back together again.

Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.

Why can't I be gay? I have nobody to call "daddy."

Me talks to an orphan: Hey, I have a joke.

Orphan: Go on then.

Me: Your family tree.