Family jokes
Sister: Hey sis, how are you today?
Me: Oh, good, you?
Sister: Good, 'cause I heard you finally got a good living life.
I asked my orphan friend to come to my house. He said he was confused because he didn't know what that is.
What cries, is red, and is a pokey boi?
The baby you just feed nails to.
If you're bored, just punch an orphan!
What are they gonna do...tell their parents?
I had sex with my boss's daughter.
I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh.
Next thing he hears is, “Dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings. Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
Girl: Mom, meet my boyfriend.
Mom: Meet my boyfriend.
Girl's boyfriend: Dad, is that you? Are you back from the supermarket with milk?
Mom's boyfriend: Uh, gtg.
Why can you hit an orphan?
Because they can’t tell their parents.
Gay orphans don't exist cuz they have no one to call "daddy," and lesbian orphans don't exist cuz they have no one to call "mommy."
A teacher wanted to sing, so she did. This is what she said:
"You have no family, even though you're broker than me."
Yo mama fat as fuck.
Q: A mom had 5 children: January, February, March, April. What is the name of the fifth child?
A: What.
What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?
"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"
What is it called if your mom does not make it to your birth?...
An abortion.
Why do orphans love Home Alone?
They like to see a familiar picture.
Your momma's so fat, a whale said, "Hello, Mom!"
Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?
Why do orphans suck at baseball?
Because they can't run home.
I saw a little kid crying today. I asked where his parents were, and he started to cry more. I left the orphanage to get some milk after that.
What is the only thing worse than being told you're adopted?
Still being in the orphanage at 13.