Family jokes
“In yo mama.”
Guess whose parents didn't survive?
Liv's parents.
Your hairline goes even further back than the last time your parents said "I love you."
Yo mama so ugly when she looked in the mirror, her reflection threw up and ran away.
What’s the difference between a photocopier and the flu?
One makes facsimiles; the other makes sick families.
Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?
Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!
Your dad is Spider-Man because he’s far from home.
Yo mama is so strict that in The Outsiders, she was Darry.
The only thing running in THIS family’s your big ass mouth! Oh, I’d better shut up, or Big Bertha’s gonna confuse my head for a burger!
I could tell my cousin you are so annoying, but she told me first, so we both said it at the same time. 🫣🤣😂
If I wanted to hear beeping, I wouldn’t have pulled my grandma’s cord to live.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because he can't find home.
Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.
Where can you find the most dads?
Milk Island.
You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!
Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?
Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.
I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.
My mom picked my major.
Yo mama so fat, she stepped on the scale and it said a.k.a. "error."