Family jokes
Spell "Peppa." Okay. P. E. P. P. A. Hahaha! You said peepee.
I tried this with my sister Makenna because she loves Peppa Pig and has a backpack of it. So I told her to spell her backpack's letters and tricked her... And she is only four years old and my secret is I am only eight years old.
I traveled through time to get my dad back.
I failed because I was 1e21 years off.
My bro’s parents died, but he didn’t know why.
Turns out they died because he was a failure, and he would be going to an orphanage in 4 days.
While I was waiting for your mum to waddle past, I missed a whole season of my TV show!
My bad, but you stink so bad you passed by a trashcan and it yelled, "Wow! I didn't know I had family!"
My Mom: your so pretty! Me:
When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!” So I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!
Yo mama so nasty, she gave yo daddy head, then gave you a kiss good night.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To slide into your mom's bed.
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
Why do orphans suck at baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
What is the similarity between an orphan and the new Spider-Man movie, "There's No Way Home"?
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don’t have a home to go to.
What's an orphan's favorite flower?
A self-raising flower.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they won't know where home plate is.
Why are orphans good at dodge ball?
No one misses them.
At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.
A "monster" that has 2 heads, 2 bodies, 6 feet, why am I not afraid of the "monster"? It's my dad riding a horse.
Why do most orphans cook for themselves?
They don't have a home cook.
Your hairline goes so far back your dad didn't leave.